Letter To Myself

Hey there. When you read this you will be on the other side of the world and you expect to feel free and amazing. But this won’t be what you will experience. You will be grateful for everything you have seen and for every person you’ve met on your journey. But there is one very important part of yourself that will stop you from making your big travel plans come true. Your body.

I wish I could tell you what to do to avoid everything you will go through but there is nothing that could have stopped this. Okay, maybe you could be more careful when you get a cold and make sure you will rest until it is gone. But the truth is – sooner or later you will get sick. Because your own body attacks you. It is impossible to prepare for anything like this. The pain you will deal with every day is ineffable and after a long time you will get used to waking up every morning, feeling like you are trapped in a strange body. You will drop plenty of tea cups and you will fall out of bed because your knees can’t carry the weight. Your hands, wrists, elbows, bones, knees, ankles and toes feel like they’re intoxicated and it feels like acid running through your joints.

Don’t be scared now – you have gone trough so much in life that has made you a strong woman. Capable of being tough enough to beat your own body. You have to.

You will make decisions you wouldn’t have expected you to make at the beginning of your journey. You thought you will travel the world and discover places no-one ever thought about visiting. Then you will fall in love with Australia – absolutely unexpected. You will dream of living there and you even start planning on fighting for a visa. You will find a home in this country. Meet amazing people who will be in your life forever and who will have your back and you will have theirs.

If I could I would give you one important advice to help you with your health before the point where you have to deal with an advanced state of an autoimmune disease. When a certain doctor gives you a diagnosis of a tropical virus, caused by a mosquito, don’t believe him. Fight for a second opinion. Get out of the remote area you will live when this happens and do everything you can to get proper help before it’s too late.

Don’t be scared now – It will all fall into place. You are strong and you are never giving up. When the darkness tries to get to you and to drag you down, be stronger. You will meet some people on your journey who will change your life and who will stay with you and support you in many ways. Trust them and believe in yourself and the friendships you can always count on.

You are so lucky! Just believe in these words. Sometimes you will feel like there is nothing to live for anymore. Sometimes you feel like the weight of the world lies on your shoulders. Sometimes you can’t get out of bed because your body keeps you hostage and your mind plays mean tricks – and that is ok! Take your time but don’t give up.

Don’t be scared now – you are not alone. Even when it feels like that.

You are loved.

 

With deepest love,

Yourself

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